Looking back, the past 4 wks have been a little stressful. In my last post I talked about a few of the nursing "problems" I was having with Kevin, and they were better than before, but they hit a standstill and we didn't progress to where I felt Kevin was truly comfortable during nursing and afterward. I really feel that he should be more relaxed, and the foul smell of his gas and BM also bothered me. Yes, he is thriving, and showing signs of development that are normal...BUT...I just wasn't convinced he needed to be in so much distress after each feeding. I don't think it is really my diet - a month of avoiding dairy, citrus & tomatoes didn't really change the gas or bad smell. I am well past the time of "adjustment" for supply and he should have gotten the hang of things by now so what to do? I heard of some chiropractors that specialize in pediatrics so I took him to them yesterday. A couple of things they helped me think of: all the antibiotics I was on right before labor surely could have done a number on his little digestive system, so I am giving him a little pro-biotic and upping my intake as well. He isn't getting good sleep, which I should have noticed, and he had reduced mobility on one side. After they did a lot of "adjustments" (not exactly easy for this mommy to watch!) he was responding normally to the reflex tests on both sides, and was more relaxed than I have EVER seen him before. Time will tell if this helps or not!
We are still pretty tired, although I think I am beginning to be conditioned for less sleep now. I have realized that Kendra was an exceptional sleeper (12hrs at 8wks) and in my mind I knew I was probably blessed with that experience...but I'll admit I was more than hoping for a repeat...so....I have turned my mind back to what I did with Kendra that may have helped her sleep longer stretches. I remember her following a strict 3 hr pattern during the day...and I always did the same routine with her at night. Trouble is, little mister has been so gassy after feeding that it takes a long time for him to be comfortable laying down. Even while asleep he seems to be trying to grunt it out. Now, Kendra may have been a little weak from poor nursing in the beginning and so slept a lot, but I don't think that is what it was. I realized that she had these cyclical patterns and followed them exactly. Nathan and I both agree Kevin wasn't really showing these patterns. I may need to just try using a timer during the day and see what happens - it may be that he is just soooo tired that he has trouble sleeping well, therefore, he hasn't learned how to sleep the longer stretches yet. For those of you who wonder what I am talking about, I refer to the 90 Minute Naps book by Dr. Polly Moore, which is in essence along the lines of Babywise, but with a few DISTINCT differences. You figure out the child's natural pattern times that correspond to their circadian rhythm (internal biological clock), not set your own times, and you never wake a sleeping baby to feed. You feed on demand. (A well rested baby sleeps soundly and longer than one who is forced to remain awake and or wait for a specific time to eat.) I am not against babywise (some moms have great success and happy babies using that plan), but I have some serious reservations about some of their logic (like the idea that the baby will understand that you are in charge by scheduling your feedings - I do not buy into the popular notion of spiritualizing how you handle basic, biological needs and their resulting normal infant behaviors. I strongly suspect that babies cry to be fed simply because they are hungry and cannot say, "mommy, I'm hungry!" When they are old enough to use this behavior to get what they want and not need, you will know it!), and some outright disagreement about the safety of your milk supply based on some reading I have done on breastfeeding. Some may be fine at 4 weeks, to start tampering with the times between feeding, others may not be. I don't wish to take the risk, that is why I think that Dr. Moore's book is the safer approach. So, in the next few weeks I am going to make a concentrated effort to find out Kevin's pattern and get into sync.
I am very sure that Kendra has been her spunky self, but I simply cannot relate any specific stories due to my lack of memory space at the moment, except that she is really getting into making her own little dance moves, and now enjoys watching the old Winnie the Pooh cartoons on Youtube in the mornings. We decided to take a break from potty training for awhile too. I was getting stressed out and neither of us needed the drama. She was SOOO close! (I hope I don't regret giving up, sending mixed signals, etc...) We just couldn't seem to get to the point of her saying she needed to go potty until after she had started to and caught herself with a few tinkles in her panties. Then she would just be sooo upset about it that it was an ordeal. She was sort of going backwards and after a month, that is not what should be happening. It shouldn't take that long for her to get it, if she is ready. We will try again later. If she wants to go in the potty, then great. Otherwise, I don't mention it. It is a huge relief to not deal with that right now.
I will admit that this past month I have not been the person I wish to be. As Nate says, "coffee does affect your spirituality." I know that I am just tired, and it has made it harder to say "yes, Jesus, I need you to do this for me, because I realize I can't do it!" and easier to just become grouchy and think poor me - I don't ever get the sleep I need! But when I think that I was never designed to operate on my own and be a sweet wonderful mommy, and realize that the only way I am ever going to do this is by His grace, and His love working in me to respond in love rather than anger, to be an example of kindness instead of impatience, then I feel grateful for the fact that He is my strength. Being thankful to God has a way of taking you from wallowing in your circumstances and into his peace and rest. Did I mention that I need rest? :-)
Matthew 11:28-30
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
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